What do you call a person that is Happy on Monday?

RETIRED!

And the unexpected winner of the race was...

The Barber... however he did do a short cut.

When I am told, "You'll regret that in the morning", I don't let it bother me.

Being a problem solver, I just sleep in till noon.

The candidate was interviewing for a job at a phone answer center and was asked to make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.

After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, the reply was, "When the phone goes GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, I PINK up the phone and say YELLOW!"

She got the job.