When I became a licensed chiropractor, I moved back to my hometown and soon had a thriving practice. One morning I saw a new patient whom I recognized as my old high school principal.
"Gee," I said nervously, "I’m a little surprised to see you here."
"Why?" he replied. "You certainly spent a great deal of time in my office."
My mom wants me to name my kids after people in our family.
So I’m naming my firstborn Uncle Karl.
My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.
“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”
Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a $500 suit.
"What!?" I answered, gagging at the price tag. "I’ve bought cars for $500!"
"That’s why I want the $500 suit," he said. "So I don’t have to drive $500 cars."