Today my doctor told me that my DNA was backwards.

I said, “And?”

Always give 100% at work!

Monday - 14%
Tuesday: - 26%
Wednesday - 42%
Thursday - 15%
Friday - 3%

I was in a liquor store and the owner asked me, "Do you need help?"

I replied, "Yes, but I’ll have a bottle of whisky instead."

My wife asked me why I call her 12?

Dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen do anything...