Why did the stop light turn red?

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

Mom: Son, why don’t you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs, and is an alcoholic?

Mom: Of course not.

Son: Well, neither would he.

When I was 20, "What am I doing here?" was an important existential question.

Now that I am 66, "What am I doing here?" involves staring at an open refrigerator.

If you see someone buying candy, popcorn, and soda at the movies, they must be a drug dealer...

There's no other explanation for that type of income!