When I worked in the post office, a lady barged in and started complaining that she’d got home to find a note from the postman – he’d tried to deliver a package but nobody was in.
“My husband was home all day!” she fumed.
After I gave her the package, she said, “Oh, I’m so excited – it’s my husband’s new hearing aid!”
How do science teachers freshen their breath?
With experi-mints!
Teacher: "What do you get when a waiter trips?"
Student: "Flying Saucers!"