On day when returning home from work my wife proceeded to tell me that she had been called into the principal's office because of the things OUR SON had done at school that day.

We agreed that he should be disciplined the same was I was disciplined when I was his age: being sent to my room without supper.

But in my son's room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player. So what is a parent to do in this day and age?

We sent him to MY room!

I was not ready for retirement and was looking for a new adventure.

So I decided to take up FENCING.

My neighbors have threatened to call the police if I don't put it back.

Marine corporal (at a party): "Do you see that officer over there? He is the meanest egg I have ever seen. He is an ugly sap of an officer."

She: "Do you know who I am? I am that officer's daughter."

Corporal: "Do you know who I am?"

She: "No..."

Corporal: "Good."

A girl in our office, from South American, is always in a hurry...

We call her URGENT-TINA.