We've just played the Christmas edition of Clue...
My wife murdered the Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven!
I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
My email password has been hacked again...
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat!
Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparents.