Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.

Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.

I may not be around in 2084...

But at least I know there's the possibility I may still be voting!

Magic is awesome.

Do you know the name of the magical stick that makes men disappear?

The pregnancy stick.

I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to "go to hell."

Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.