I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.
I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog."
She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"
I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"
She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN...
They get really upset.
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.
“I am a turtle,” he says.
“Who’s on your back?”
“That’s Michelle.”