“Are you making any New Year’s Resolutions?” my friend asked.
“Yes. I’ve resolved to stop playing so much polo,” I remarked.
“Since when have you been playing polo?"
“Never. But I figured that is one resolution I could keep!”
What do you hear when a Judge is learning to play the piano?
The Scales of Justice.
A North Korean soldier was asked to measure the height of a comrade's rifle.
"I can't," he replied. "My ruler is only 12 inches."
The friend looked at him, rather confused, and said, "I actually think Kim Jong-un is taller than that."
Me: "My wife is always forgetting to turn off the flashlight on her cell phone."
Friend: "I bet that’s annoying?"
Me: "Not so. When she walks in, I get to say, 'She really lights up the room.'”