marriage jokes

Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."

She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE AND FINISHED. Some people say there is no difference but there is.

When you marry the right person, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong person, you are FINISHED.

And if you marry someone who spends too much money, then you are COMPLETELY FINISHED.

A fellow married a woman, named, Ann.

Years later they divorced.

Now, he refers to her as "my Ann-ex".

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is wrinkled, and my body isn't what it used to be." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, "Well... your eyesight seems to be good."