military jokes

What branch of the military accepts newborns?

The infantry.

A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure.”

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion.

Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

The new Ensign was assigned to a submarine, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.

He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."