misc jokes

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

A ventriloquist is working in a small rural town and during his show a local stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-aleck remarks about us small-town folk being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid, ya know!" "Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The rube replied, "I'm talking to that little fella sitting on your knee!"

A ventriloquist is working in a small rural town and during his show a local stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-aleck remarks about us small-town folk being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid, ya know!" "Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The rube replied, "I'm talking to that little fella sitting on your knee!"

The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.
"I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."
"But the squirrel?" asked the genie.
"I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"