Best Jokes

One day two little boys were arguing about religion. The one boy said Protestants are better than Catholics. The other boy said Catholics were better than Protestants. The one Protestant boy said, "Oh Yeah. I bet you don't even know the lord's middle name". The Catholic boy says, "The Lord doesn't have a middle name". "Oh yes he does" said the Protestant boy. The Catholic says, "Ok what is it"? The little Protestant boy says, "That's easy". Haven't you ever said the Lord's Prayer where it says, "Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name."

For his entire working life, a dedicated and hardworking Astrophysicist tried in all earnest to find the existence of other being somewhere in the universe. After 58 years of constant effort, he finally receives a response from a planet 30 billion light years away.

“What is your planet like?” groaned the extraterrestrial from the other side of the Galaxy.

“It is 12,756 Kilometers in diameter, is 93,000,000 miles from the nearest star, our sun, has an average temperature of 72 degrees F. We breathe oxygen, live about 75 years, and have both men and women” answered the Physicist.

“Do the you get along with the women on your planet?” the extraterrestrial asked slowly.

Puzzled by the question, but not wanting to insult the female Physicists near by, he answered “Why yes. We get along quite well here.”

The extraterrestrial perked up “Can we send you ours?”

Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks,
"What's wrong?"
"I have lost my electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

Isn't it strange how drivers who go slower than you are idiots and those that go faster are maniacs?