Best Jokes

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. Because she was very attractive, he agreed.
Shortly afterward she said, "I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer fifty dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day."

"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole." 

A man, woman and an Antartian were each going into the desert on a car trip. They could only bring one thing. The man brought some food, so they wouldn't starve to death, the woman brought some water so they wouldn't dehydrate. Now the Antartian, he brought a car door, so he could role down the window if he got hot!

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. 

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
 
"Why?" asked the pilot. 

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. 

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"