Best Jokes

There are two cows out in a field in Britain. One cow turns to the other and asks, "Are you worried about this Mad Cow disease?" The other cow responds, "Nope." The first cow exclaims, "How can you say that? Cows all over England are getting it. I'm scared stiff!" The other cow just looks at him and says, "Mad Cow disease, why should I be worried? I'm a helicopter."

There are two cows out in a field in Britain. One cow turns to the other and asks, "Are you worried about this Mad Cow disease?" The other cow responds, "Nope." The first cow exclaims, "How can you say that? Cows all over England are getting it. I'm scared stiff!" The other cow just looks at him and says, "Mad Cow disease, why should I be worried? I'm a helicopter."

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.

Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.
Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior.The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"