Q. What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
A. A cat has its claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause
Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware issue.
The pastor preached about the beautiful kingdom of heaven and asked the congregation “how many of you would like to go to heaven from here?” everybody raised up their hands except a little lad sitting just in front of him “don't you want to go to heaven son?” he asked. “My mother seriously warned me not to go anywhere from here, but to come back home” replied the boy.
How come the pony couldn't speak?
Because, he was a little horse.