Ben, a taxi driver working the midnight shift was exhausted after a few fares, and decided he needed to take a nap. Parking behind a convenience store, he leaned back and immediately fell asleep. About an hour later he was awakened by a knock on the window.
"Can you spare a dime?" asked a homeless man. Even though he was slightly perturbed, Ben reached into his pocket and handed him a dollar. Once again he settled back for a nap. A half hour later, he was again awakened by a knock on the window.
"Brother, can you be so kind to give me a little change?", begged another wayfarer.
More than a little perturbed this time, he throws a dollar at the man and angrily closes his window. Ben then takes out a piece of paper and writes on it, 'I don't have any money!' He sticks it on his windshield and settles back again for a much needed rest. Quickly falling soundly asleep, he was nonetheless awakened by another furious rap on his window. Rolling it down, he saw yet another homeless man. "What in tarnation do YOU want?" Ben yelled.
"I saw the sign on your windshield," the man began, "and since I've been having a pretty good night panhandling, I thought I'd give you a couple of bucks to get you back on your feet."
Marvin has a binging problem which happens to him every year the day after Thanksgiving.
"Why must you gorge yourself on leftovers?" his wife asked. "Don't you have any self-control?"
"What are you worried about?" Marvin replied. "I can quit cold turkey!"
Two cannibals are munching on singer/musician Al Yankovic...
One says to the other, "Does this taste a little weird to you?"
What do you call a looney, lifelong small town resident?
A loco local.