When tempted to fight fire with fire...
... always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
A man who hadn't attended church in years suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing as was his normal habit.
The pastor was highly gratified and at the end of service one morning told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services with your good wife!"
"Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "Quite honestly, it's a matter of choice. I'd much rather hear your sermon than hers."
“I have the world’s largest collection of seashells...
You may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.”
Just so everyone is clear...
I'm going to put my glasses on.