A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.
When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill!
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring...
The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel I've dyed a little inside.
A businessman is walking along the street dragging one foot, and he bumps into another guy also dragging a foot.
"What happened to you?" asked the business man.
"Iraq, 2003. What about you?" asks the other guy.
"Dog poop, two blocks back."