The road we were on led us to a covered bridge just as another car approached from the opposite direction. At an impasse, the other driver—clearly feeling wronged—shouted, "I never back up for idiots!"
My friend put her car in reverse and replied, "I do."
When a job application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency...
I always write, "A very good doctor!"
A woman was taking care of a neighbor's little girl one morning. She arrived in time for breakfast and sat down at the table. "Mommy always makes me hot muffins for breakfast," the girl said.
Eager to please, the woman went into the kitchen and prepared a tine of hot, fresh muffins.
"No thank you," the girl said when they were brought to her.
The surprised woman replied, "I thought you said your mother always has muffins for breakfast?"
"She does, but I don't eat them."
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower he said, "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?"