I always read my wife's horoscope...
To see what kind of day I am going to have.
A man climbs up to the top of a mountain. He shouts "I love you!" and waits for the echo.
The echo comes replies, "I have a boyfriend!"
Patient: "I'm having a problem with my eyes. I see something from far but then when I get there, there's nothing. It's gone."
Doctor: "It's a new disease. It's called ASRD syndrome."
Patient: "ASRD?"
Doctor: "It stands for 'Annual Salary Revision Deficiency' syndrome."