A 70 year old man asked his wife, "Do you feel sad when you see me running behind younger women?"

The wife replies, "No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars, doesn't mean they can drive them."

I just want a really nice guy who has a job...

And the missing half of the golden amulet!

The surgeon approached his patient, just as he woke up from having surgery. “I'm afraid we 're going to have to operate on you again. You see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”

The patient replied, “Tell you what Doc, if it’s just because of that, just leave them inside. I'd rather pay for them than have you go back in.”