My wife asked me before going to the hairdressers, "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?"
"A power cut" was apparently the wrong answer.
"What have you had for breakfast?" I asked my wife on the first day of her diet.
"Eggs," she said.
"Scrambled or hard boiled?" I asked.
"No, Cadbury Creme," she replied.
Father to Daughter: It's a good thing you chose to takes accounting at school.
Daughter: How come?
Father: Because I want you to account for coming home at five am this morning.
Remember when everyone had diaries and got mad when someone read them?
Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when they don't!