A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.
“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a month, eat fatty foods and never exercise.”
“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-six."
A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
BOSS: "What should we call this giant advertising board?"
PHIL: "A philboard!"
BILL: "No, wait... I have a better idea!"
Someone keeps dumping soil all over my garden bed, and I don't know who's doing it???
The plot thickens...