A barhopping fellow, four sheets to the wind, stumbles into a bar and declares "I'm buying everyone in the bar a drink! Line 'em up, bartender!"
So the bartender pours everyone a drink, and frivolity commences until the bartender says to that first guy, "OK, that'll be $210."
The drunk guy says, "I don't have that kind of money!"
The bartender throws him out. A few minutes later, the drunk staggers back into the bar. This time he says, "I'm buying everyone in this bar a drink! Except for you bartender, when you drink, you get nasty."
Last night, my wife and I watched two movies back to back.
Fortunately for me, I was the one who was facing the television.
Yesterday, I was in the kitchen planning dinner, and noticed that the clock had stopped. That really put me behind for my day, so today I decided that I'd better stop at the store for a AA battery.
I found a clerk, and said "Please point me to where the batteries are, I need one in my kitchen."
The clerk asked, "Is it for a clock?"
I said, "I don't know, that's why I need a battery."
I called into my crappy job last week and said that I was sick.
My boss asked me what was wrong, and I said that I had something wrong with my eyes.
When asked to elaborate, I said that I couldn't see myself coming into work today.