A doctor taking care of his last appointment of the day gives this man a thorough exam and finds him in optimal health. As the man is going out the door, he had a heart attack and died. The doctor looks at the man and tells the nurse, “help me turn him around to it looks like he was just coming in.”

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."

A man walks into a barber shop and asks, “How much for a hair cut?”

The barber said, "$12.50."

The man asks, “And how much for a shave?”

The barber said, "$1.50."

The man then says, "Go ahead, shave it all!"

Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says, "I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye." The second man thinks, well, he can't have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see. So he says, "All right, you're on." The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.