After a week of agonizing physical training, police academy cadets still hadn’t been admitted to the firing range. “I don’t get it,” huffed one trainee to another as they pounded out yet another five-mile jog. “What do you mean?” “We still don’t know how to protect people and property, but we’re getting real good at running away.”

Do you think there is intelligent life on Mars? Ask John.
I sure do, replied Bob; you don’t see them spending billions of dollars to come here, do you?

A man boarded a train and said to the conductor, “I’m a heavy sleeper.
Please be sure to wake me at 2:00 a.m. so that I can get off in Atlanta. Whatever I say, get me up. I have an extremely important business there!” The next morning the man woke up in Richmond. He found the conductor and shouted, “Do you know how angry I am?” “Probably about as angry as the man I had get off in Atlanta,” replied the conductor

An Alien, upon landing on earth, approached a bird on a branch. “Can you please direct me to a hotel?
The bird replied, “Cheep, cheep.”
“Well, it’d better be,” answered the alien. “It cost me a fortune to get here!”