After gunning his BMW the wrong way down a one-way street, the rather intoxicated young man was asked where he thought he was going by a curious police officer.
“I’m not really sure,” confessed the drunk, “but wherever it is, I must be late, because everybody seems to be coming back already.”

When a fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. “Do you take children?” the man asked.
“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”

When a fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. “Do you take children?” the man asked.
“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”

Two passengers on a ship are talking. “Can you swim?” Asks one.
“No,” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages.”