Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.
“Halt and identify yourself!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.
The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.
“Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?”
“Right,” Mark extemporized. “That, madam, is my nightcap.”

When a warming trend hit the Artic, scientists were assigned to watch glaciers in danger of splitting. Naturally, all of the researchers had to have good ice sight.

Delighted to learn that his new wallpaper was washable, the moron was furious when the very first time he washed it, it was snatched from the clothesline.