You can tune a piano but you can't tune fish!!

You can tune a piano but you can't tune fish!!

The man in the cafe asked the waiter, "What is this mouse doing in my alphabet soup?"

The waiter looked for a minute and said, "Learning to read sir."

A woman goes to her doctor. She has a breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and string bean in her left ear.
She says, "Doctor, can you help me? I don't feel well, and I cannot figure out what's wrong."
The doctor replies; "Well my dear you are clearly not eating properly!"