Q. Why does a cow wear a bell?
A. Because his horn doesn’t work!

On the outside flap of the sign, it reads: The kitchen is close today on account of illness.

Inside flap: I'm sick of cooking!

On the outside flap of the sign, it reads: The kitchen is close today on account of illness.

Inside flap: I'm sick of cooking!

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”

“Dear God! Did your try to stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry. I got the license plate number!”