The company’s management team put their heads together to decide how to reduce the high employee turnover rate.

“They spend their first six or eight weeks learning our system, then they join another company,” complained one executive.

“Yes, but doesn’t that at least speak highly of our training program?” chirped an optimistic colleague.

An aspiring actor calls his agent from the set of his first film. He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career. “How’s it going?” the agent asks. “It’s amazing!” the actor gushes. “The director told me that my performance is making him consider two films with me.” “Two?” he agent replies. “Yeah,” the actor says, “my first and my last.”

“Grandpa, do you mind if I play my new harmonica in here?” asked little Phil.

“Of course not, Phil. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."

“What happened?” asked Phil.

"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”

“How about you?”

“Me? Well, I accompanied her on the piano!”

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool.

He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!”

“That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!”