Don had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.
“What!” shouted the boss. “I can’t give you more time now. Whey didn’t you get married while you were off?”
“Are you nuts?” replied Don. “That would have ruined my entire vacation!”

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”
The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked.
“They’re people just like you – your equals.”
“Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness. “Isn’t it true,“ he began, “that you were given $5000.00 to throw this case?”

The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction, the same no response. Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”

“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I'm sorry your honor. I thought he was talking to you.”

Doctor,” the man said to his ophthalmologist, “I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I notice that one of my eyes is different from the other!”
“Oh”? Replied the doctor “Which one?”