Doctor,” the man said to his ophthalmologist, “I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I notice that one of my eyes is different from the other!”
“Oh”? Replied the doctor “Which one?”

Psychiatrist to patient: "You have nothing to worry about - anyone who can pay my bill is certainly not a failure."

Having completed a course of analysis with his psychiatrist, John tells a friend:
“I always thought I was indecisive”
Friend: “And now?”
John: “I’m not so sure.”

Overheard at the track: “Horse racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money good-by.”