It is truly said that children brighten a home - they never turn the lights off.

One man asks another, "How old is your wife?"

"She's approaching thirty."

"But from which direction?"

"I am not at all satisfied with the evidence against you," said the magistrate to the prisoner on trial,
"so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged."

"Oh, good," said the prisoner, "Does that mean that I can keep the money?"

A man traveling at 130 mph on the interstate was stopped by highway police.
"Sorry, officer" said the driver, "was I driving too fast?"
"No, sir. You were flying too low."