Salesman: "Just give us a small deposit, ma'am, and you'll pay nothing for the next six months."
Woman: "I see you've heard of us."
A teacher was telling her class about the importance of dressing warmly in the winter, and to illustrate this, she told them the story of her neighbor's little boy.
"He went sledding without any coat, gloves, or hat," she said. "And ended up with a bad cold. Now, does anyone have any questions?"
A little boy in the back raised his hand. "Who's using his sled now?"
The chef at a hotel approaches the manager one afternoon. "Ma'am," she asks. "What might be the best way to announce dinner? Should I say 'Dinner is served' or 'Dinner is ready?'"
"Well," the manager replies. "If it's anything like last night, it should probably be, 'Dinner is ruined.'"
During a terrible snowstorm a St. Bernard was sent out with his usual keg of brandy to find a lost hiker.
Two hours later, the dog came back to the rescue center with his little barrel empty and a note tucked under his collar.
Curious, the chief took the note, revealing it to say, "Enjoyed the brandy. Next time, please send a double!"