My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.”

I don’t know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day...

When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.

“Has your address changed?” she asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Your phone number?”

“No.”

“What about your birthday?”

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home, collect.

My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!"