I put my root beer in a square glass...

Now it's just beer.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a major emergency...

Even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting!

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror...

He just has a note taped to the wall that says, “Don’t worry about it.”

My 18-year-old daughter and I were watching TV when a character with my maiden name—Lester Highsmith—was introduced.

"I’ve never heard my name on TV before," I said.

My daughter was equally surprised. "Your name used to be Lester?"