We've just played the Christmas edition of Clue...

My wife murdered the Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven!

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

My email password has been hacked again...

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat!

Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?

A: His transparents.