What do you call a professional you hire to put someone down?
An Insultant.
I saw a contractor's truck that offered free quotes.
So I asked for one.
He said, "To be or not to be, that is the question."
I think the whole "Autumn-is-in-the-air" theme has gone too far.
Today I went to Jiffy Lube and they offered me a "Cinnamon Spice" oil change.
A man walks into a bar and orders the latest, seasonal beer.
He takes one gulp and nearly chokes. “This beer goes down like sandpaper!” he yells.
“Of course,” replies the bartender, “it’s only a rough draft.”