bar & drinking jokes

A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.”

“Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?”

“I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a beer.

The bartender said: “It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff.”

“Just call me Hoff,” said the actor.

“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”

A young man enters a bar and sees a beautiful lady at the counter. He moves closer to her and starts a conversation.

Man: "Hello beautiful..."

Woman: "Hi."

Man: "My name is Solomon."

Woman: "So?"

Man: "Lomon."

A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college. One day in a seminar class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty. After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.

With maximum drama, he took a 12-ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water. Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table. He proudly asked his family, "Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty."

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, "Depends if you're drinking or pouring."