bar & drinking jokes

The drunk asked the bartender, "Do your lemons have legs?"

"No," said the bartender, "why do you ask?"

The drunk replied, "I think I just squeezed your canary into my drink."

Amos had been drinking with his friend Joe for most of the evening when he finally said, "I need to go home and face the music, my wife will be up and waiting for me."

Joe said, "Listen, I have a cure for the angry wife waiting for me after a late night. No more sneaking up the stairs with my shoes off. I drive into the yard and screech the brakes. Then I slam the door and stomp up the stairs to the bedroom where I enter and say your stud puppy is home."

Amos replies, "What does she do then?"

"Why nothing. She just curls up on her side of the bed and pretends to be asleep."

An Irishman had just walked into a bar when he tripped over and fell.

He got up and said, "Guess I can call it a day."