bar & drinking jokes

A man was explaining to a friend how he managed to get home the previous night.
" I was doing just fine until I turned into my driveway", he said.
"And then what happened?"
"Someone stepped on my hands!"

Dr. Burns was disgusted when Frank staggered into his office thoroughly inebriated.
He looked at him severely. “What happened, Frank? I thought we were going to lick this problem by cutting you down to just two drinks a day.” Frank dragged a finger across his chest. “Cross my heart, doc, I—I did as you asked.”
“Impossible. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this shape.”
“No, honestly!” Frank replied. “In fact, when I left here the other day. I went to another doctor for a second opinion – and he prescribed the same thing!”

A drunken man walked up to a parking meter and puts in some change. The meter goes up to sixty and he says, "Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."