bar & drinking jokes

A man walks into a pub and he asks the barman for a pint. All of a sudden he notices Vincent Van Gogh over the other side of the bar. The man asks, "Do you wanna pint, mate?" and Van Gogh says, "No thanks, I've got one ear!"

A long time drunk was lying in his hospital bed, still groggy from the effects of his recent operation. His doctor came in looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"All right," said the patient. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

Two strings go into a bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't let strings drink here." The two strings leave and go into another bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender of this bar says, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to let strings drink." One of the strings gives up. The other bashes himself into walls, winds himself up, and rubs against the carpet. When the string goes into the bar, he asks for a drink. The Bartender says, "Sure! By the way, you haven't seen a couple of strings walking around, have you?" The string replies, "Sorry! I'm afraid not!" (A frayed knot)

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"