food jokes

You are a lousy cook if...

Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up strait and tall!

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What on earth did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?

A: If you are eveready I am frito-lay.