holiday jokes

Ten signs you're not getting a Christmas bonus:

10. Co-workers refer to you as ''the ghost of unemployment future.''
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.

8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
7. What you call ''my new office'' everybody else calls ''the supply closet.''

6. Boss's Christmas card says, ''Don't let the door hit you on the way out.''
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.

4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies.
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.

2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word ''terrible'' appeared 78 times.
1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets.

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft, high fiber candy only.

7. Someone drops a candy bar in your bag and you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.

5. The door opens, you yell "Trick or..." but you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You keep having to go home to use the bathroom.