holiday jokes

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "I'm tired of talking about this too, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

Mr. and Mrs. Ghost had always wanted just one child. When Mrs. Ghost gave birth to twins, she asked her shocked and surprised husband to name the two children.

He happily replied, "This little boy is now named BOO!"

"What about the second child?" asked the nurse.

After giving it some serious thought Mr. Ghost replied, "Our second child will be named Boo Boo!"

Why was The German baker arrested on 10/31 for cheating his customers?


He was selling hollow weenies!

My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.

He said to me, "You can't drink while you're working."

I said, "Oh, don't worry - I'm not working."