holiday jokes
Favorite this joke Marvin has a binging problem which happens to him every year the day after Thanksgiving.
"Why must you gorge yourself on leftovers?" his wife asked. "Don't you have any self-control?"
"What are you worried about?" Marvin replied. "I can quit cold turkey!"
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays!
The Santa Claus at Macy's decided to retire, so management put out an ad for a new one. After going throught the applications, they picked who they thought would be perfect for the job. Carl was rotund, had a full white beard and a jovial laugh.
However, after some time problems arose. Carl would forget to show up for work. Then when he did show up, he would seem disoriented and confused and not remember where he was supposed to be. Other employees would often have to search for him in the store to return him to his post, where children in line would be crying when they didn't see Santa there.
"What are we going to do?" asked one manager.
"I think we're going to have to hire a new Santa," said another. "This one's a lost clause."
“One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
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