First Assistant: "So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that everything fits?"

Person who invented the first public bathroom stall: "Ah, don't worry about that. Can't stress enough how unimportant that part is."

I went to the zoo.

There was only ONE exhibit in the entire zoo.

It was a Shih Tzu.

How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?

You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.

What is the definition of a bachelor?

A man who doesn't have to leave the party just as he's beginning to enjoy himself.